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I chose the title Memoirs of a rape victim because after being raped you are a victim. You’re not a victim because you are weak or a wreath, but because someone violated you! Nothing you did, or said, or wore, warranted you being raped. So don’t blame yourself, BECAUSE IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. SAY IT WITH ME: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Rape is never the victims fault. However in a world that is dominated by patriarchy, victims are often accused of inciting sexual assault through their attire or behavior, and this is know as rape culture. Rape culture is the continuous practice of victim blaming based on fallacious myths.

A rape victims journey begins with them acknowledging that they were sexually assault. It takes a great deal of courage to  utter the words  “ I was raped”, but these three words set into motion the wheel of healing. It is through this process of acknowledgement, that your body, soul and spirit begin to heal. It is in that very moment that your journey as a survivor commences.

This journey will consist of pain, doubt, trust issues, depression and darkness but the only way to survive is to walk through it. You can’t do it alone, so please seek medical assistance and find a positive support group, and i promise you, you will come out on the other side. I did, and so can you!

All my life sexual intimacy was an important step. It was a step that you only took when you were well and ready. For me, I would only take that step once I was married. I always though of sex as a gift that i would give to the man i deemed worthy. Unfortunately I had never considered, let alone entertained the notion that this decision could be taken from me. I had never thought about it, because it was not something that was openly discussed. I wasn’t told about it during my Sunday school classes, during my academic classes, neither was I told about it at home; because Rape was not meant to be the norm neither was it meant to be the exception, for many of us rape does not exist, neither do we want it to.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that any of my teachers or my parent or any of my family members are to blame. They taught me as best as they knew. They live, and well, we all live, in a society where rape is an unspoken word. It is a word that bears shame and blame; and the burden of blame is placed onto the victim while the rapists is exonerated. This ladies and gents is the world we live in. We live in a world embedded in fine confines of patriarchy, where social constructs carry the day and stone cold facts fall by the waste side.

This section is dedicated to fellow rape survivors! I intend to use this platform to share my story, break the silence, encourage other survivors to share their story, educate you on the trauma that rape causes, dispel the myths and misconceptions about rape, and hopefully change in the way you think about this issue.

So if you have been raped before and are still struggling with it, this is for you, if you have a friend, sister, mother, aunt, grandma, neighbor or whomever that has been raped, this should empower you to know what to do or say, and what not to say or do, if you are to support them through this ordeal.

I must emphasis RAPE SHOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTED AS THE NORM, IT SHOULD NEVER BE ACCEPTED AT ALL. It is a crime and a hernias violation of a person body, soul and spirit!!!

In addition, like i mentioned earlier getting past the trauma of rape is a journey. A journey that may take a month, or a year or years to overcome, thus NO ONE SHOULD SET A DEADLINE FOR YOUR RECOVERY. If people feel your taking to long to recover, tell them to feel free to leave.

No one has the right to tell you, your journey to survive is taking too long, because you are the master of your own ship and no one but you can steer this ship.

Finally, I will not discuss the effects rape has on men, as I am female, and would be lying if I pretended to know the emotional, psychological effects it has on them. However this does not mean that men are not raped, they do indeed get rape, and so therefore seek the help they deserve!

God is the author and beginning of my journey, through him all things will pass and through him your strength will be renewed. I surrender all, I surrender all